You're fat, too stupid, not good enough, and soon enough everyone else will know the truth as well. This was pretty common for how I spoke to myself.
For the majority of my life, I thought this internal war was imperative for progress. That it was part of me. That voice kept a boot on my neck, constantly reminding me not to celebrate my accomplishments, because if I did, I'd lose the edge. That edge was sharpened by decades of comparing myself to my peers, my older brother, and competing for attention from external sources. What a gigantic waste of energy it all was.
All those years yelling at myself. All those years believing that voice in my head was me and not just the subconscious growing my internal beliefs around what I gave the most attention to. Even after college scholarships, powerlifting wins, career success, and world championships, it was still as loud as ever. That self-loathing was the monster inside of me that I kept feeding with my attention.
That internal voice can be shifted. It can become your biggest asset. It’s taken me seven years to get a handle on it. That voice has shifted now. I rewrote it through years of repetition, journaling, and building a deeper awareness of who I am. In that discovery, we uncover who we are and, more importantly, who we want to be.
My mindset and how I talk to myself are more of a priority now than they have ever been. Spending all day getting kicked in the ribs by my subconscious is no longer the path I choose. Now I know I am my best friend and biggest ally. Mentally, I've rewired myself to see the wins, be nicer to myself, and take full accountability not just of my actions, but how I manage my thoughts. I choose to see how incredible my life is and everything in it. I’m done with the common man’s trap of believing more is better. Better is better, but if you don’t know what better looks like, you’re still just aiming at nothing.
