For years it felt like a cycle of work, vacation, and then back into the fray. The vacation was supposed to be restful, but I found out that it wasn’t. I spent that time drinking and “relaxing.” But all this did was disconnect me from me, and quieted the voice that dreamt of more. 

Conversations that start with “one day,” “that would be nice,” always followed with “but” and why I couldn't live that way, why my dreams needed to stay just that.  Dreams.

I figured out these “vacations” weren’t down-regulation for me. They were a pacification of that voice.  It was burying the dream of more with this is good enough.  “One day, we will travel.”  “One day when we build a house.” I began to think that these types of dreams were impossible. I began settling.

I found out that my fire only got fueled by other people that not only talk about “wanting more,” but also doing it.  During this stretch, I had begun my YouTube channel in 2010 and had found a few people that were living in a way I could only DREAM.  But seeing it in reality made it possible for me to switch from “must be nice” to “why not me?”

I saw the secret sauce and recipe for their success.  It’s always the same. Unwavering obsession with their goals.  I tasted this first with the Highland Games. The way to where I want to go is FULL GAS. ALL THE TIME. I was so driven and full of fire after spending time with these people (still people I call powered mutants)  I knew I needed it in my life. 

At that point, I committed to a non-negotiable that I would find these people and see how I could help them in any way.  This allowed me to watch them operate and hear how they spoke about goals and dreams. It changed me. 

Almost a decade later, and for those that follow me know. I don’t sit still for long. I go. I go on these trips and will run at a pace that would kill most people (this ability to go has increased like any other skills with reps).

Some weeks are all day, everyday from MONDAY to FRIDAY, with most days starting before 6AM and most ending after 11PM and I’m still getting in my training and routine. Then, it’s off to meetings and connecting closer to people that fuel that fire.

I don’t need a vacation from this. I love it. I require weeks like this. They change me a little each time into more of who I am trying to create. I am headed home after this week, full of fire.  I am also exhausted. Good.

The people I look at as mentors and those that inspire me all manage insanity. They all go at a million miles an hour. They all manage stress. They all feed on the challenges ahead of them.  

Vacations have changed into times to down-regulate from the focus and integrate what I am learning in each trip.

MY FIRE IS ALWAYS MORE FUELED UP BY DOING MORE, not less. The key difference between now and ten years ago is I’m doing more to build my dreams. I’ll never finish these life goals. I’ll always have more plans, each one more unreasonable than the next. These grow, just like how I started training with a bench max in high school of 110lbs, and later hitting 440lbs and 700lbs in a shirt. But all this took 25 years. 

The big lesson I see now from my mentors 10 years later, who are all now doing gigantic things is this:  NEVER STOP. NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR DREAMS MORE THAN YOU. ONLY YOU CAN DO THIS FOR YOURSELF.  

I’m here to tell you, it’s possible. It’s never easy. It will try to kill you, and for me, it’s worth dying for.

December 04, 2023