In Don Miguel Ruiz’s “The Four Agreements,” the first agreement is to be impeccable with your word. The better we can master this agreement with ourselves, the more clear our path becomes.
Without this agreement, the foundation of who you are is going to be on slippery ground. Deciding that your word is important and that you control how you use it is a lesson that’s challenging to master your entire life.
The first part of this is doing what you say not just to others, but also to yourself. If we are going to do a thing, do it now. If we commit to showing up on time, be there on time. Build confidence that you can do what you say you are going to do. This trait will continue with your relationships.
It’s on you to better figure out how to use your words and voice to not have your intentions misunderstood. When you are out of sync with your actions and your words, there isn’t harmony. While this dichotomy can exist, it will be hard for you and others to feel safe with you.
While showing up is great and is the first action to hold your word, the other is to continue building awareness of the things you say and what your intention really was for saying that. We want to stop with passive aggressive actions, stop with downplaying, stop coding your wants in your speech. Start owning what you say and control the power it has.
You have to be aware of never using your word with malicious intent. This is unacceptable. There is a difference between this and a misunderstanding that frustration creates. There will be times you have to challenge your word with people you love.
It’s ok to disagree and still love that person for what they believe. You can manage a lot of stress when you know what the base intention of everything you say is rooted in. Truth. Truth to you and who you are.
When this all aligns you become a different person. These are all traits everyone wants. And simple accountability to what you say. This also gives you the ability to say NO. You don’t have to agree or be part of anything you don’t want to. Choosing to do things or be part of conversations that no longer resonate with this agreement should be uncomfortable. Trust that feeling.
When your word is valuable.
You do what you say.
Your boundaries are real.
You are reliable.
You are honest.
You are less misunderstood.
You are clear in your intentions.
You can trust you.
Four ways to notice this:
Take time to listen to you and the way you talk with yourself. Ask yourself “how am I right now?” Take note when things are good. This is a sign you’re in alignment with your actions and words. Also take note when things are not so good. Try to recognize, without judgment of self, where you were out of alignment and where to correct the course. Focus your energy on doing more of the things that brought the good feelings.
Realize the power words can have. There is magic here you can learn to harness. Think of words as spells, casting positivity or negativity with them. Start being conscious about this. Shift from the mindset of “I don’t have time” to “lots of opportunities and start prioritizing them.” “I’m so exhausted.” With “I’m so pumped to sleep.” There is always light to dark. Much of that is simple perception. You can control a lot of these things with your words.
Don’t focus or fester on a problem or person. Instead, shift focus to figuring out a solution and where you want to be in the future. Spend your thoughts solving the problems of how to get from here to there, not on something else or someone else you can’t change. Don’t give it your energy at all.
- Notice when you’re just speaking out of habit. We all occasionally have built in complaints and negative shit. Lots of people bond over complaining. “ This always happens when I try.” This built in flinch to failure is reinforcing why you shouldn’t go for it. Ask yourself honestly, is that true? Do you always fail when you try things? Of course not. Instead, simply look at where improvements and opportunities to improve lie. But without acknowledging you can improve it, you’re leaving it up to the winds of the universe. They are not the most reliable.
Take note of where you fall out of alignment of what you say and the actions you take. Are you honest with yourself?
Where can we make improvements to get things back in alignment? Words and actions are a unit.
SPREAD HVIII, ALWAYS PARTY